I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
