M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
