we're chasing vodka with high fives
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
