Got a toothbrush?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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