Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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