Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize