Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
