Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
