"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
