Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He shit in the fireplace
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
