He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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