If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
