So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
