I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
