I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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