this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
