my room smells like sperm. sweet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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