I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
