We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
