Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We have started to decorate penises.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
