I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
