Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
