Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
