So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
