If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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