Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That's intense
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Your penis caused this!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
