so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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