if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
