I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
