Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize