is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
