bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
