Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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