Define "chronic" masturbator.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize