Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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