i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
