the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
