Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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