at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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