he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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