i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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