Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
