Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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