That's intense
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
