why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
