She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
