on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
