I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
