remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
