Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
