i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
