roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
