your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
