There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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