FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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