things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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