Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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