You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Bring me that man meat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
