Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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