Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
