i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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