She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
