Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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