It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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