She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
