CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
