How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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