Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
