You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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