i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
