As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize