Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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