I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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