Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
