i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
