God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
