do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
