Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
