I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
