he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
