We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
