I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
