When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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