The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
