I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
