nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
