it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
