so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
