Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
