He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They have beer where we have blood.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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