Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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