Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
