I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
