call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
