She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
