Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
