My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
