Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
