Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
