I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
where are my eyebrows?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
